Fearless@40

Who Moved My "Hunny" Pot?

2012-02-26T11:29:00.000-08:00

Who Moved My "HUNNY" Pot?

Photo: PartyTimesRUs.com

When I was younger, I adored craft projects....drawing, painting, creating masterpieces of childhood imagination. I penned poetry and avidly wrote fictional stories. Then gradually, the arts projects, poetry, and writing stopped. Where did the creativity go? Who moved my HUNNY pot?

It's true that over the years, we become so involved in the daily hum-drum of life, that we oftentimes don't eke out or have the energy for our creative exploits. Which is very much true in my life too, but in my case, there was a fear that accompanied picking it back up.

What was this dampening fear? I scanned my psyche to figure out what was hindering the unleashing of my creative creature? And so began my quest.

Three "AHA" Moments

Photo: MomLogic

Ironically, since I was a wee one, my mom's nickname for me has been "Pooh", so it seemed rather fitting that I was now in search of my "HUNNY" pot.

AHA #1: I soon realized that my number one fear, was the fear of FAILING. Failing to produce something worthy. But what didn't dawn on me is that it didn't have to be worthy of anyone else but me. AHA! First realization! Don't fear failing...failures lead to successes.

AHA #2: Second light bulb, and something that I still struggle with, is that I'm a perfectionist to my very core. For those of you that are artists, you realize that oftentimes some of the most remarkable pieces of artwork or creative pursuits result from the mistakes or imperfections. AHA number 2! I was getting upset because whatever I did wasn't "perfect". Not necessary! Especially if I'm doing it for ME! It doesn't have to be perfect.

AHA #3: The third realization had me digging back deep into my childhood as to why I felt the fear and perfectionism. Who was I comparing myself to? It was then I realized I was comparing myself and feeling overshadowed by my highly creative and accomplished mother. She is a very talented writer, artist, illustrator, and overall an incredibly imaginative being. In my mind I felt and often questioned the pursuit with, "Why bother?" There's no way in hell I can compete with that. I mean, SERIOUSLY!

Now trust me, this was through no fault of my mom's. She was being who she was meant to be. This was truly my own perception. Granted, she liked to tweak work that I had done which also created a subset of issues, but overall it was my feeling of inadequacy compared to her greatness. AHA number 3! It was then I realized that the only person that I needed to compare myself with was myself, not my mother, Ansel Adams, Degas....anyone! Truly, it didn't matter if my mom, or any of the greats, were better at it, I wasn't doing it for her, I was doing it for me...to feed MY soul. Avoid comparing yourself to others.

Photo: Richard Heeks

Once I burst through these AHA bubbles, the juices began flowing. I felt a release. Then just like Pooh in the pursuit to quench the rumbly in his tumbly by searching for an overflowing "HUNNY" pot, my creative soul ached for sweet nourishment.

So, in the past year and a half, I began painting on wine glasses and creating my own little art, which has been thoroughly satisfying, but also very addicting. Once I caught the bug, I wanted to do more and burst out of this shell I had created around myself. I began experimenting with other mediums and arenas and haven't had the FEAR hold me back from experimenting.

Now let me just say, there are times when I begin to get upset if something fails, or if it's not "perfect"...but then I correct my thoughts and tell myself, it truly wasn't a failure because I learned a new way of not doing it and making it better the next time.

Remember when pushing through some of your fears:

Don't be afraid to fail.
It doesn't have to be perfect, just try!
Don't compete or compare your accomplishments with anyone else, but yourself.

Be fearless in finding your "HUNNY" pot!

~Fearless@40

Endless Seashore

2012-02-14T14:12:00.000-08:00

"Hope is an endless seashore awaiting your footprints." ~Annie Roberts

There's a lot to be said about hope. Merriam-Webster's Dictionary defines hope as "to desire with expectation of obtainment; to expect with confidence."

Lately, I've been feeling both hopeful and hopefully-challenged. Hopeful in my future - in my career, in balancing my work/life, and hope that other issues will resolve themselves. But then there's that annoying niggling in the back of my mind that puts the fear of God into me..."what if it doesn't work out"? I've been absorbing a lot of material through reading and audio books lately, which has been a tremendous help for me. I feel like I'm in some sort of transition, but somehow the knowledge that I have options and I'm exploring all my options has given me hope for the future and clears the seashore for my footprints.

Here's to your hopeful day and future and encouraging you to live fearlessly in all things.

~Fearless@40

References:
Merriam-Webster Dictionary. http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hope

Today's Quote

2012-02-12T09:27:00.001-08:00

"Discipline yourself to do the things you need to do the things you need to do when you need to them,and the day will come when you will be able to do the things you want to do them!" ~Zig Ziglar

2012-01-23T19:36:00.000-08:00

Wanted to pass along this insightful article by Dr. Nancy Wall, Tampa Bay MatchMakers (Nov 15, 2010) titled "What's holding you back from accomplishing your goals?"
http://tampabaymatchmakers.wordpress.com/2010/11/15/whats-holding-you-back-from-accomplishing-your-goals/

Keep moving forward and LiveFearlessly!

Today's Quote: Author Unknown

2012-01-20T10:48:00.000-08:00

"Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death." ~Author Unknown

Today's Quote: Samuel Butler

2012-01-19T10:45:00.000-08:00

"Fear is static that prevents me from hearing myself." ~Samuel Butler

Today's Quote: Katherine Paterson

2012-01-18T13:37:00.000-08:00

"To fear is one thing. To let fear grab you by the tail and swing you around is another." ~Katherine Paterson, Jacob Have I Loved

Today's Quote: Mark Twain

2012-01-17T10:36:00.000-08:00

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear." ~Mark Twain

Today's Quote: Brendan Francis

2012-01-16T10:37:00.000-08:00

"Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them." ~Brendan Francis

Reclaiming Creativity

2012-01-15T16:01:00.000-08:00

Do you remember when you were a kid and you lived life unabashedly? You threw yourself into finger painting, storytelling, and played so hard that you collapsed exhausted in bed at night? Your imagination was fresh, vibrant, and unbridled.

Somewhere along the way, some of us lost that. The problem is that if we don't celebrate the talent and creativity within us, nurturing it as we go, we lose it or forget that we even had a creative gene in our body. In my case, I never thought of myself as creative in any sense. Why? Well...I did a lot of comparisons with other people's talent, especially with that of my mom. My mom was the writer, poet, and artist. Her talent seemed unending and up against that, how could I truly compare? I remember when I was younger, I wrote poetry and even had my first poem published at 7 years old. I still remember the words verbatim. Even though I was published, I didn't very much feel validated. And truly...writing poetry is not really the cool thing to do when you're a kid, at least not according to your peers. So I didn't really admit that too freely. That's not the cool thing! Now, I loved to draw, but knew that I'd never compare to mom....so where do you go from there. I guess I measured creativity by who was better at it, not by what truly gave me pleasure or what I could continue to improve on in myself.

It wasn't until recently that I ventured into the creative realm once more, slowly melting into my creative self. It was time to reclaim every part of my life, starting here. Again, I didn't want the fear of failure keep me from doing something that I perhaps loved. This time, I vowed it would be about me and solely about me. No comparisons. Or at least I'd try my very best to avoid it. Not allowing myself to feel overshadowed by someone else's successes. That was unfair to them and to me. I wish I had grown up with this perspective. Again, it's baby steps and I'm moving forward.

In regards to my mom, I recently confessed that even up until recently I never considered myself creative. Ironically, she saw me completely the opposite. It was her turn to shock me. I was flabbergasted when she then confided in me that it wasn't until recently that she considered herself an artist. Her admission left me speechless! Truly amazing how our perspectives shape us and the shades of our realities, isn't it?

Now the hard part is figuring out what I love to do. So I've been unlocking the mind vault, traipsing through hidden recesses of childhood memories to recall those things that I found joy in. Photography, writing, creating and fixing things...that where I've started. I'm thrilled to say, one adventure is leading to another.

Keep making baby steps everyone and live life fearlessly!

~Fearless@40

New Year, New Perspective

2012-01-15T15:00:00.000-08:00

2011 was a year full of growth for me. A lot of painful stretching, but good growth nonetheless. I decided that I was going to break away from the fear that's been holding me back.The thought of living life was exhilarating, terrifying, and overwhelming...all of these emotions flooding at me. But the biggest emotion? Relief.

I realized that underlying many of my fears was the fear of failure. I'm a perfectionist. Growing up, failure to my parents, and subsequently to me, wasn't an option. This perspective also had me worry extensively that OTHER people were judging me, whether I failed or succeeded. Now, that's not to say that there weren't those wishing I fail miserably or laughing without mirth at my failures, but overall I don't think that's generally what was going on....just in my head.

So, with the new year I decided I'm not making New Year's resolutions...instead, I'm making daily resolutions. That relieves some of the pressure to be perfect and get it all done by the end of the year. It also lessens the let-down or disappointment in myself if I don't achieve all that I wanted to achieve.

I know that every day begins with baby steps. However, each day brings with it pride that I'm moving forward.

More to come....live fearlessly, regardless of what age you are!

~Fearless@40

Guest Blogger: Overcoming Fear

2011-12-29T15:13:00.000-08:00

Overcoming Fear

by Anita Rothwell Lindsay

"There is a time to take counsel of your fears, and there is a time to never listen to any fear." ~George S. Patton

I’m not a therapist; I am anInformation Specialist – a researcher. I know a bit about most everything or Iknow where to find some answers or credible information. But, I do have fears,like everyone else. Perhaps that makes me qualified to talk about fear.

First, I had to recognize and admitthat some of my fears originated during my childhood or from negativeexperiences as an adult. Like an embedded image in a word document, they aredifficult to budge.

According to Psychology Today, “Fear is avital response to physical and emotional danger—if we couldn't feel it, wecouldn't protect ourselves from legitimate threats. But often we fearsituations that are in no way life-or-death, and thus hang back for no goodreason. Traumasor bad experiences can trigger a fear response within us that is hard to quell.Yet exposing ourselves to our personal demons is the best way to move past them.”

My first recollection was fear of the dark as a child. Clothesdancing in the moonlight on the clothesline obviously were ghosts. I also saw amummy like creature walking through the junipers while I was playing beneath aneighbor’s veranda. I was six or seven. (As a teen, my brother admitted that hetoo had seen this “mummy.”) My sister was also terrified of the dark. For hersake, I managed to fake some courage, enough to seem brave to her. I don’t drivemuch at night now but I’m no longer afraid of the dark. I do have a recurringnightmare since childhood; I’m locked in a dark movie theater and cannot findthe exit. That’s why Richard Kosoff invented the nightlight.

When my three children were young, I drove them all over Florida to attend churchfunctions and participate in sports. I was terrified to drive the longdistances in an old car. I also feared getting lost or not finding my way backhome. I made the trips because I had a reason bigger than my fear, my children’sneed for social activities. Today, I believe I can find my way just aboutanywhere and perceive even short jaunts as an adventure.

I also feared speaking in public. Encouraged by church peers, I did sing in aquartet. But, I often “lost my cookies” before going on stage and I trembled.The steps to proficiency were small ones. I now enjoy presenting workshops. I realizedI have something to share beneficial to my audience. Again, I found somethingbigger than my fear and the steps were small.

Although I now enjoy public speaking, I still find crowdsintimidating. A party can leave me speechless until I find someone standingalone. Then I reach out to make that person comfortable which in turn, engagesme. I’ve learned to find strategies to move me out of the shadows. I alsodiscovered that if I’m busy, participating, I’m less self-conscious. Churchwork- parties, fund raisers, led me to this conclusion.

Each journey of conquering some of my fears began with little steps. I suspectnow that this is a journey, not a destination. I am still uncomfortable, eventerrified, of personal relationships. Working with men and educating men hashelped me feel comfortable with them on a non-social level. But, after twomisfire marriages, I’ve become gun shy. I also fear becoming a “bag lady,” acommon fear in women.

According to Financial Education on Women and Money, “An amazing 50% of allwomen have a tremendous fear of becoming a “bag lady”. And what is even moreshocking is that 48% of those women earn over $100,000 per year. Additionally, 90% of women say they feel financially insecure, accordingto a survey of almost 1,925 women conducted by Allianz, a Minnesota-based lifeinsurance company.

To address both of these fears - intimacy and becoming a baglady, I believe I need the insight of a more objective perspective, acounselor. I need help to untangle the string of distorted perceptions wrappedin a tight ball inside my psyche. And from a short bout of counseling a fewyears ago, the process then added a boost to my confidence. Heather Sell has acounselor to recommend to me, one of the many perks of ShoutOUT®.

But in the meantime, I’ll take some small steps to overcome thesetwo roadblocks. I’ll join a writing club or fine arts club to move into a moresocial arena with men. To ease my financial insecurity, I’m working on theeliminating debt and keeping a close copy of the 72 Zen Habits to Simplify Your Life to ensure that I am at leastone step ahead of my fears.

As 2012 lounges lazily on the horizon, my sincerest wish isthat the New Year infuses you with the strength to overcome some of the fearsthat have been paralyzing you. Whetherthose fears include public speaking, intimacy or relationship fears, or even afear of trying something new, moving past fear can be both invigorating and empowering,not to mention fun. Here’s wishing you a year of fearless adventures andboundless fun!

Resources:

“Psych Basics:Fear and Paranoia.” Psychology Today.n.d.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/fear

Raj,Nila. “4 Fundamental Facts About Fear.” 2007 Aug. 5. http://ezinearticles.com/?4-Fundamental-Facts-About-Fear&id=665200

“Womenand Retirement: The Bag Lady Fear?” FinancialEducation for Women on Money. 2011 Feb. 9. http://financialeducationforwomenonmoney.org/women-and-retirement-the-bag-lady-fear/

Edberg,Henrik. “5 Life-Changing Keys to Overcoming Your Fear.” Positivityblog.com. 2007 Feb. 22. http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2007/02/22/5-life-changing-keys-to-overcoming-your-fear/

Heacock, Doug. “Five Great Ways toConquer Your Fears.” Zen Habits. 2008Nov. 24.
http://zenhabits.net/five-helpful-attitudes-for-dealing-with-your-fears/

Babauta, Leo. “Simple Living Manifesto: 72 Ideas to SimplifyYour Life.” Zen Habits Breathe. 2007Sep. 5. http://zenhabits.net/simple-living-manifesto-72-ideas-to-simplify-your-life/

Books:

Feelthe Fear...and Beyond: Mastering the Techniques for Doing It Anyway, Susan J. Jeffers

Smart Women Take Risks: Six Steps for ConqueringYour Fears and Making the Leap to Success, HeleneLerner.

How the Fierce Handle Fear - Secrets to Succeedingin Challenging Times, SophfroniaScott.

Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life, Thich Nhat Hanh

Google keyword search terms: facts about fear, overcoming fear, fear busters, conquer your fears, psychologyof fear

AnitaRothwell Lindsay,Information Specialist, Educator, and Workshop Facilitator, currently employedas a librarian at a local technical institute. Creative design consultant to ShoutOUT® Enterprises, Inc., Chimera InvestigativeGroup, Inc. and Next30 Productions Inc. Contact Anita directly: arlindsay@yahoo.com

Thich Nhat Hanh (Author)

The Journey

2011-11-27T08:15:00.001-08:00

As I neared my 40th birthday this year, I began reviewing my life as a whole. Taking stock of what I've done, where I've been, where I am professionally and personally. Am I where I thought I'd be? Am I where I had dreamt I'd be when I was child? Were the drivers that were important to me then, that drove my career and life path the same drivers that still make me happy (Money, education, career, friends, travel, etc)? If not, why? Have I lived my life as I wanted to? Are there things that I would have liked to accomplish, but haven't? And if not, why?

The "whys" of all this self-analysis really got me thinking...and a lot of what I've not done has boiled down to one word...FEAR! Whether it be fear of failure, fear of success, fear of disappointing someone else, fear of disapproval (internal/external), fear of trying something new, fear of being laughed at...whatever it was...the main element for not doing some of the things that I've really wanted to do or trying something new have been tied to FEAR.

Please keep in mind, I'm not a fearful person in general...but there are things that have overwhelmed me and kept me from trying new things or experiencing life in certain ways. So my vow as I approached 40 was to become fear-LESS! Not a stupid fearless, mind you, but fearless in that those illogical or irrational fears holding me back from experiencing life as a whole and being all that I could be as a person would be tackled head on and I would experience life as I wanted to, not as my fears irrationally dictated.

This blog is to journal that journey...to give some brief insights into ways I'm learning to conquer my fears, whether they be through actions taken or resources discovered. Let's conquer the fear together.

Feel free to share some of your journey with me too! Join me on the journey to be Fearless@40!

Fear

2011-11-24T20:25:00.001-08:00

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear." Mark Twain